Your eyes bloody hurt!!!
Yes, today, it was time to put some new contact lenses in, so off I went, same as usual - I wear the ones where you can sleep in them, and still be fine in the morning - off into the bathroom, you know the way, when you first get up to go for that shave, and you can't even see straight thanks to that bloody alarm clock going off interrupting what was such a good sleep!
Anyway, stumble into the bathroom - hmmm, sounds like a Dolly parton song there - I promise you it's not, so peel back the foil, pull out the new contacts, sensing that my eyes think Christmas has come early, and they are going to have clear vision again for the first time in a month.
So, contact on finger, head back, contact goes in....
AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Pain, immense pain, scream, pain again, singed eyeballs, think oh well, must have got it wrong there, check if it's inside out, nope - have another go...
AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
The old eye is definitely not playing ball today, think I'll give it a minute, so get onto the other one - great, in like a flash, I can see again, so I'm half way there!
Had another go with left eye, which is now resembling the aftermath of a fight with Mike Tyson, nope it's just not having it. Now I'm think laser treatment, I'm gonna get laser treatment - fat chance with those prices.
Silly me hasn't got a pair of specs to back things up either, so I had one final go, and in it went, but fair play, my eyes were as red as a San Francisco 49ers top, so off to work I go, blinking about 2 million times on the way, and sit at work so uncomfortable.
Look in drawer, pull out saline solution, great - lens comes out, squirt solution on, back in she goes, check best before date,
July 2004 - D'oh!
Okay, still irritation, so executive decision made, lens is coming out, and out the whole day it stayed, so I'm half blind, yep, I really am half blind, shut one eye, and all of sudden the world is a very different place!
That's the way it's been all day, even now, back at home, with one eye just wanting it's early night so it can recover - god help me if the damn thing doesn't go in tomorrow morning!
Contact lenses hey, who'd have 'em!
Me unfortunately.