Monday, 20 December 2010

It's Freeeeeeeeeeeezing!

Have we ever been in a more miserable mood in the UK?

The temperatures are dropping further and further with each passing day, and the country is starting to feel as though it's going to cease up!

The snow is causing havoc with planes, trains, and automobiles, and the de-icing routine in the morning is just becoming ridiculous now, with even the de-icer freezing over after spraying - this morning I felt like a right lemon sat on the drive waiting for the windscreen to clear whilst looking at the temperature gauge stating it was -10C!

I was thinking if my car could talk it was starting to say to me, "you know what, I'm not going to bother today in this weather", and I couldn't really blame it if it did!

Hopefully the arctic blast is coming to a head now and it may just get a little warmer in time for Christmas, but this sure ain't much fun anymore, especially when you start thinking about how much the next gas bill is going to be for with all this heating being on - mind you I'm glad now that we did a 'Not til November' Challenge in our house whereby we went through November (and onto mid December in actual fact) without putting the heating on!

I bet the gas companies are rubbing their hands with glee at the moment loving the fact that the nation is having to whack that heating on so much, it does play on my mind though about the time when the Russians were hinting that they wouldn't send over the gas earlier in the year, can you imagine what it would feel like now if they refused to open that long pipe? Jeeeeze!

I really do believe that they should have a law in this country where if it hits a certain temperature that everyone can stay off work, and just stay indoors having a good drink to warm up the body!

i think I may just run for the Prime Minister job!

Vote Banksy!

Thursday, 9 December 2010

The Work Christmas Lunch

Well yesterday saw that annual event, the work Christmas lunch, you know the one, where you get your Secret Santas out for each other and wear a silly paper hat on your head for an hour or two at most!

Unfortunately, we weren't able to make a night of it, mainly due to the fact that we had to come back to work in the afternoon - gutted, but there we go.

Does anyone else find anything as stressful as finding someone's Secret Santa present though?

I mean you draw a name from the hat - you're guaranteed to draw the name that's the hardest person to buy for, and then you agree an amount, it could be a fiver, it could be a tenner, but once agreed people never seem to stick to the value.

The fear of being labelled the 'small spender' then takes over for the next few weeks, as you're convinced other people have spent loads more than you despite this £5/£10 rule, so in the end you probably end up spending over the odds only to find that the person who's bought your present has spent less than you - how does it make you feel?

Do you sit there looking totally unimpressed at the fact that you went to miles more effort than the other, or do you take it in good heart, with the notion that it's better to give than receive?

Bollocks - of course you sit there peed off knowing you could have saved yourself a fiver, and had another couple of drinks with it!

Ah well, at least the meal should be okay, although there is then the countless disputes over who pays what, and whether someone has underpaid, but do you challenge them as it's Christmas, and slip an extra pound in yourself to make up for it, whilst having that underlying feeling of angst, that the person has got away with a pound?

Then the tip, now us Brits don';t have to leave tips, unlike in the US where it's expected - no, over here we get the choice, and once the piles of tenners & twenty pound notes are in one person's posession, then the debate starts, as we have £20 more than we though, do we put it towards the tip, or do we have another round of drinks instead, I know which one I'd prefer.

Whatever the case it's usually practice to save a fiver and get the obligatory box of sweets for the team, and there will normally be a dispute over that too, with some wanting Roses, whilst others show their disappointment in the fact that you didn't get a box of "Celebrations" - but they do it in a coy way, i.e when they're munching on one of the Roses, they mumble something about how they prefer the other variety - well don't friggin eat the Roses then!

Christmas lunches also result in at least one person on the table saying, "Oh I could just go to sleep now" following their lunch, and also one person who sits in the seat where the sun continously shines on their side of their face and end up sitting at the most ridiculous angle when it would just be far easier to pull the curtain over!

I also find you listen in to other work groups having their Christmas lunch too, trying to find out what they're all about, come on we all do it, and for no good reason too!

Then there is always one person who's order comes out wrong - all this despite booking it about 3 weeks earlier, why can they never get it right??

Well that's done for another year anyway, now who's up for booking next year's do?

Thursday, 18 November 2010

World Toilet Day Revisited!

Well I just couldn't let it pass, tomorrow is World Toilet Day!!!

Now, admittedly there is a serious side to all this, but really, a day dedicated to Toilets....I mean?

My blog last year (see here) hopefully did some good for the awareness campaign around, and this year is no exception, so tomorrow morning I'll be dropping off some pointers about what you can do to celebrate World Toilet Day...

Have a good read of it, and see what ideas you can do for one of the most special days on the calendar that surely even rivals Christmas Day - well let's face it, there's normally a load of shit on the tele that day, so it does rank alongside it in that respect!

Speaking shit on TV, did anyone watch the England game last night?

Fortunately, I was enjoying Chester FC's latest win so ended up only watching the highlights of the game - well what highlights there were of course.

So, tomorrow spare a thought for others as you sit on the bog!

A bog blog - now there's a thought....

May as well refer to the award that was received with delight from fellow Blogger, Argentum Vulgaris, who gave The Daily Banksy the Golden Bog Roll Award - a major honour amongst the blog world!

Anyway, that's it now, gotta to have a sit down...

Friday, 5 November 2010

It's Bonfire Night again, and yet rains!

A year after blogging about Bonfire Night, and the nightmare weather that was around at the time, I expressed my non-delight at the fact that it always seems to rain in the UK on Bonfire Night, and guess what's forecast for tonight in Chester? Yep, you guessed it - heavy rain!

You would think that just for at least one night in the year, the weather system would allow us to enjoy the night when things are allowed to go bang in the night, in fact in our ever health conscious world - and it's getting worse in that respect - I'm surprised that they haven't banned the things, just because the stick of one of them dreaded rockets could end up falling on your head after it's gone bang!

I mean, it's just not on is it, the fact that people can have a spikey umbrella and have no regards for your face when walking alongside one - perhaps they think they are audtioning for a part in 'Singing in the Rain' I'm not sure, but they always seem to whack you one on the head!

But this world is going safety mad, and soon we'll be confined to those extremely sad old indoor fireworks that have as much excitement as watching paint dry!

I remember times where you could mess around as a kid and not have a care in the world, that time when you didn't have to wear bike helmets, when you'd fall off your bike, cry a bit, then jump back on and pedal on, no that's all gone now, in this ultra safe world - well at least it's supposed to be, but really half these changes make matters worse for everyone!

Anyway, time to get back to the initial subject of fireworks, I atually hear people watching a firework display saying, "it's a bit loud" when the bangs and boom fill the air, what were they expecting - a mild and whispering 'bip'?

For christ's sake, you go to a fireworks display to enjoy the experience, not to come bcak moaning about the volume - wear a pair of headphones if you don't like it!

Anyway, happy bonfire night all, and to those who don't have firework displays in their countries, well enjoy the quietness, whilst we all go "oooh" and "aaah" as we look up to the skies!

Friday, 29 October 2010

Invasion of the Daddy Long Legs

Well I'm sure you've all got them in your rooms across your house now haven't you?

Yes, the month of October has seen the usual infestation of what we call "Daddy Long Legs" - and what a pain in the arse they actually are!

Fresh from talking about big spiders, along come these freaksish looking things, and whilst not being afraid of them, they are just hanging around the walls of many houses, just sitting there watching you with their weird little eyes, in fact I'm sure they are there planning the big invasion.

You can see it now, they just wait for you to open a window or a door in your house, and as soon as they make it through they then whistle to their mates - in their own way of course - letting them know that they've made it, and to follow them, and so the next fleet arrive, just bimbling around your kitchen window seeing what creature comforts lies in wait for them.

Maybe they just want to get in to have a good look at that picture on the wall that was put up about 5 years ago that no-one looks at, but for them it's a chance to see something other than a garden fence!

In fact they are probably eyeing up that can of beer or glass of wine, thinking "wha-hey lads here we go, time to get pissed!" - perhaps that explains why they can't get awy when you grab it by the legs!

So, what is the point of Daddy Long Legs then?

Okay, well here's the boring bit - apparently they are also known as 'Crane Flies', and are (according to wikipedia) poor fliers and are prone to the old wobble in unpredictable patterns during flight - it's a bit like sitting in a plane with a Ryanair pilot at the controls.

You'll be delighted to know that they do not bite you, but sadly they don't bite mosquitoes either, they actually feed on Nectar, and no not the amber nectar drinking variety!

The unfortunate thing is once they become adults, their job is to simply mate and then die - what a life hey? I wonder if any of them become celibate, and refrain a good old 'how's your father' just so they can live a little bit longer??

Poor things, mind you, they're still a bleedin' pain in the arse, and have you reaching for the tea towel for a good old slap when they are found on your wall!

Tell me about your experiences with Daddy Long Legs!

Wednesday, 20 October 2010

Go Compare? Go bugger off more like!

I'm not sure about anyone else, but I'm getting well and truly fed up of the advert for Go Compare, or Go Compaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare as we keep on being told by a fat bloke in a black and white suit pertaining to be an opera singer.

It was quite funny when it first came out, but now it's wore off completely, and just makes me flick the channel over on the remote control as soon as I hear the start of the ad.

Time for a change, I know they say that it identifies the brand etc, but it doesn't stop it being annoying as hell, so hopefully they'll freshen it up somewhere soon, it's just cringeing now everytime I see it.

So much so in fact that I've started to sing something else which fits in nicely after the "Go" bit, try it... "Go f... off, Go f... off..." yes, it works quite well actually!

Anyway, I'm sure everyone has their own adverts that they just cannot stand, and right now that's mine!

Rant over.

Thursday, 14 October 2010

Bollocks - it's confirmed, Man Flu strikes again.

Having felt rough yesterday and alerting the emergency services that I was possibly about to be struck my man's worst enemy - Man Flu, it was confirmed through the streaming nose (lovely image hey), and lack of seeing what I was typing at work, that I had indeed been gripped by the killer disease.

So, I refer back to my previous blog about it, and it's definitely an October thing, having blogged about it in early October last year - so how bizarre that it's back again, hope I'm not in for this on an annual basis - I can do without that thank you.

Anyway, I feel like I've swallowed a bag of Gillette Mach 3 Turbo's, really crappy this morning, but unlike the jibes that us blokes constantly get, I'll still battle on and go into work*

*depending on how I feel in the next twenty minutes

So, what is the best cure for Man Flu?

Swallowing copious amounts of Beechams? Drinking pints of Lemsips? Perhaps even putting a towel over your head, whilst that head is sitting over a bowl of hot water? - hmmm can't really do that one in work.

Maybe the cure is daytime television - no actually that can only make things worse, as all that's on is house makeovers and Jeremy Kyle - did I read that someone hit him the other day? How funny!

Anyway, I think it's time to revive that Man Flu blog again, with quite possibly the world's funniest video about the global killer...


Wednesday, 13 October 2010

Small Thoughts...

Just waking up this morning feeling like crap, and some random thoughts came in to my head...

Does everyone leave the one bad crisp in the packet, or are they brave enough to eat it - you know the ones, green crisps or one with a whacking great brown/black bit in it.

In the olden days why have the UK emergency number 999 as on old phones it took the longest possible time to dial?

Why can you never find a pen when you need one, yet when you don't need one there are loads all over the place?

Does everyone have a tape measure in the bottom draw in the kitchen?

Charities always seem to put so many clothes bags through the door, yet I've never seen anyone coming back round for them.

What is the point of flies?

If you hoover a spider up, does it kill it, or does it simply uncurl itself and climb back through?

Has everyone got a book in the living room that has been there for years but never been read?

Does anyone else sit in the house in sub zero temperatures just to avoid putting the heating on as long as possible in the year?

All small thoughts, anyone got any others they'd like to share?

Tuesday, 12 October 2010

Time to get the de-icers out!

Summer is officially over.

Yes, that’s the depressing statement for this morning, as I stepped outside to head off to work today, never mind the X Factor – the chill factor has arrived, and it looks set to stay throughout winter – hold on a minute what happened to autumn??

A very bizarre last few days here in Chester, as the blue skies dominated, and everyone was happy, this was something to rejoice as we don’t often get sustained periods of sunshine in this country!

But what has happened to Autumn, seriously?

No time for singing “Those autumn leaves lie undisturbed now…”, no, it’s more like “Frost the Snowman” as the temperatures start to plummet, and those de-icer alarm bells start to ring out, yes it’s time to get the stock of blue capped spray tins again, and get up five minutes early to enjoy the crap routine that is getting rid of the frost / ice on the car windows – always a depressing time.

It feels okay for the first day, but when you experience the 27th day in a row of having to do this, it becomes a tad tiresome.

Right then, get those extra layers on, out comes the electric blanket, and time to go and make a hot chocolate – winter is here!

Wednesday, 1 September 2010

Back again!

Well it's been a while since I last posted on here, thanks to one of the busiest years of my life helping to get a new football club off the ground following the collapse of the club I followed for around 30 years, and I didn't realise how challenging timewise it would actually be!

I even tried to blog about it, but that became a nightmare to keep up too, and thanks to us now starting the season, and the desire to start blogging again, here I am!

All my blogs have sadly undergone a vow of silence that a monk would have been proud of, but they are about to speak again, and hopefully entertain those interested in it.

I'll be making my way around the blogs and hopefully catching up with the people who I met on the various quality blogs, the challenge of course is to come up with stuff to blog about, but there is plenty going on in the world to talk about, and today is no different - in fact, I'm going to keep in the sports mould and talk about Golf - you either love it or hate it I think.

Myself, well I suppose I'm going to contradict myself now and say that I don't hate it, but I certainly don't have that much interest in it, but I did find this little gem the other week having watched Sky Sports News, it was a great two minute video, and one that kept me glued to see if anyone could hit a gong, set 200 yards out in a lake with a golf ball - yes really!

I don't know what I don't like about Golf, is it the annoying sound of the clapping, is it John Daly's horrendous trousers, or is it that I'm crap at it? Ah yes, that'll be the reason!

Anyway, here is that little's quite cool actually!


Thursday, 15 April 2010

What would you grab if a Volcano was erupting nearby??

It's been a while since I posted on here, and that is largely due to other factors in my life taking over, please see this blog, and you'll know what I mean!

Anyway, having heard the news early this morning about the Volcano erupting over Iceland, something that just does not sound right when you pair the words "Volcano" and "Iceland" together. Anyway, there I was this morning watching the breaking news about this, and thoughts immediately turn to the safety of those nearby, but also about how it will affect us?

Will the cloud of ash reach the UK?

The answer of course is a resounding yes, but thankfully it's at a high altitude, so we shouldn't all be in a state like a scene from the film "Silent Hill", so that's good news, but then I thought this could be even worse, as from memory there is a bigger volcano next to the one that's just gone off, which could have catastrophic circumstances if it goes up.

So, on a lighter note, and assuming that people would survive the flow of larva, if you happened to hear an almighty bang, looked out of the window to see red larva heading your way, and you were able to grab one thing to take with you, what would it be???

First thing that springs to mind would be a fire extinguisher but that would last very long, so time to think again, maybe it would be that classic scene from that dreadful film where Pierce Brosnan is actually beating the larva flow in his 4x4 - yes that would obviously happen wouldn't it?

Anyway, what would be the item that you'd take with you??

Wednesday, 3 February 2010

Never mind 3D, get the real thing in your home!

Having seen all the adverts from Sky Sports last weekend, promoting a football match in 3D, I stumbled across this piece of news which made me chuckle, as it prompted thoughts of similar instances.

The report shows that British band, the Pet Shop Boys, played a mini concert in a fans house, as part of "The Brits" 30th anniversary, imagine how cool that would have been, having a concert in your own house, with the real group members!

It just got me thinking about how this could be replicated, and if we're sticking on the music theme, imagine having Elton John playing the piano in your front room, or even Celine Dion belting out one of her classics, then again, you'd have to tape all the glass ornaments up in fear of her shattering them with her voice.

Not sure if I'd like Oasis in the front room though, I'd probably end up throwing beer cans at them, I'm sure the wife wouldn't be too happy, mind you I'm sure she'd be happy with the likes of JLS thrusting around, nope that's it, not going to happen - put my foot down on that one.

Imagine though, if it wasn't just music, sportsmen could be involved, with the likes of David Beckham smacking in a free kick from the open plan dining room into the top corner, mind you I'd have to keep checking that John Terry wasn't hanging around the bedroom area!!

Films could be the same too, with actors & actresses acting out their scenes from the front room, although I'm not sure I'd like Titanic re-enacted as that would pretty much guarantee a steep insurance premium next year, but wouldn't it be cool to have a Terminator, or Avatar in the kitchen!

Anyway, getting back to the story, I think it's great to see that the Pet Shop Boys did this, maybe more stars could become more "public" and do something similar.

Friday, 22 January 2010

Pause for thought

Time for a blog completely off the beaten track!

Just driving home in the car tonight, and I noticed that there was no pause button on my in car cd - I think that's the first time I've ever noticed that, and I've been driving around in my current car nearly a year.

In fact come to think of it, I can't even recall if I had one in the last car, has anyone noticed this, or have I just been a bit late catching on to this???

I feel sorry for the poor old Pause button, it's just been chucked to the side of the rubbish pile, just think there will be millions of Pause buttons lying around thinking what might have been!

I mean, just have a look around, and you'll see the Play, Stop, Fast Forward, Rewind, and Eject buttons on your car, but where, oh where is that Pause button?

It's just not on, I ask that you all down tools and just Pause for a moment!!!

Monday, 18 January 2010

Are Blondes more aggressive & determined?

That's the question that The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (blimey, that's a mouthful isn't it?) have answered with a straight "yes".

The University of California apparently studied over 150 students, and found that the blonde hair brigade are the most aggressive & determined, but are also likely to receive less of a wage than the brunettes or redheads.

They also found that the Blondes would receive more attention than the others, and that helped them come to the conclusion that they went to war for things they wanted rather more so than the others, as they felt an entitlement to do so.

So, what do you think?

Which category do you fall into and do you class yourself as aggressive and determined if you're a blonde, or do you feel the opposite?

Also, if you're a Brunette or a Redhead, what do you think of the study?

The DB would interested to hear your views...

Sunday, 17 January 2010

Annoying People in the Cinema - Part 2

Well it's been a while since the last DB post, and that unfortunately is down to both having extended hours at work in 2010, up at 5.30am, back at 6.30pm, and then straight away its into City Fans United mode, as I have attended several meetings lately, what's that all about I hear you cry? Well read here, and you'll see!

Anyway, I'm intending on bringing back The DB back to the fore again, and making sure that it doesn't get left out in the cold, and what better way to revive it than making a part two to an earlier blog, in fact the original was back in August - which was pretty much when I began blogging regularly.

The original blog, Annoying People in the Cinema declared my dismay at people who go to watch a film in th cinema, but then decide they'll make life miserable for those who actually want to enjoy the film.

Well on Friday, having had a long, long week at work, I decided to take the good lady wife to the cinema, to watch 'Did You Hear About the Morgans?' a romantic comedy which features Hugh Grant & sarah Jessica Parker.

We decided to go for the 6pm showing, hoping that we'd avoid the later crowd of possible spoilers, but in the end, we wish we had gone for that later showing, as we had with us quite possibly the worst set of people in there with us, even compared to last time!

To start off with, we were probably a little bit of an irritant ourselves, as we arrived about five minutes into the film, but took our seats quickly, and then settled down quickly to enjoy the film.

As soon as we tried to do that the couple on the row behind us decided to start talking their way through it, what happened to the good old days of back row-ers snogging each others faces off, rather than giving us a commentary on their lives!

Watch the film for ****'s sake!

Then a couple of rows in front, a couple of ladies decided that they'd try and be careful with their opening of their sweet packets, but that only made matters worse as they proceeded to make more noise for longer as they struggled to get the thing opened, it made us want to jump over the rows, and say "look, this is how you do it" and rip the bag open!

Off to the left a couple decided to talk, arrrrrgggghhhhh, and then over to the right, and there's always one person who does this, they drop their cup on the floor, which then decides to continue bouncing making more noise!

Half way through the film the talking from behind then got to breaking point, especially for the wife, as she shouted over to them, "shut the **** up!" - I just gave them the look, and they soon shut up, whether it was my look, or more probably the fear of god that the wife put into them, I'm not sure!

Despite thinking that the film was okay, we still couldn't wait for the end to arrive so that we can vent our frustrations, and just get home and have a bloody good drink!

Why do people go and spend a fortune to watch a film, only then to talk all the way through it - I'll never understand that!

Related blog : The Great Cinema Rip off

Monday, 4 January 2010

The Most Depressing Day of the Year!

Happy New Year everybody!

We have finally arrived in 2010, and a new decade, it's all very exciting - for some!

Having enjoyed the festive period with several alcoholic beverages, well more than several actually, the reality has dawned on most us all again today, as we all end up trudging back to work, with faces longer than Tiger Woods' female contacts list!

So why is it so depressing?

I guess it's just the culmination of the last couple of days as we waved farewell to Christmas for yet another year, and then once we pass midnight on New Year's Eve, that's pretty much it, with New Year's Day either spent on the couch nursing a hangover, or resigning yourself to take the decorations down for another year.

Added to this the fact that you had to spend the entire weekend thinking about your return to work, not because you wanted to think about it, but because your subconscious wouldn't let you forget about it!

So, we all got up this morning no doubt full of the joys of that first working day of the new year, if you happen to be an office worker of course, plenty of other job roles would have returned to normality on Saturday, especially in the shops for the masses of sales that drag out the worst of people's rudeness as they converge on the shops - not for me I'm afraid, and thankfully not for my wife either!

Mind you, the fact that we don't have any money at the start of this year has a lot to do with it I have to admit, in fact that's another reason why depression sets in, you just know that it's such a long time til next payday if you happen to be paid monthly, having to endure an extra week following your Christmas pay packet which arrived a week earlier in 2009.

It's all very depressing isn't it?

Now, to avoid anyone heading for the tablets to bring you back up again, let's finish on a high, and think that as bad as today is, there's always tomorrow, and that will never be as bad as today!

I think that's helped, or has it???

Ah well, roll on January 5th!