Friday, 29 October 2010

Invasion of the Daddy Long Legs

Well I'm sure you've all got them in your rooms across your house now haven't you?

Yes, the month of October has seen the usual infestation of what we call "Daddy Long Legs" - and what a pain in the arse they actually are!

Fresh from talking about big spiders, along come these freaksish looking things, and whilst not being afraid of them, they are just hanging around the walls of many houses, just sitting there watching you with their weird little eyes, in fact I'm sure they are there planning the big invasion.

You can see it now, they just wait for you to open a window or a door in your house, and as soon as they make it through they then whistle to their mates - in their own way of course - letting them know that they've made it, and to follow them, and so the next fleet arrive, just bimbling around your kitchen window seeing what creature comforts lies in wait for them.

Maybe they just want to get in to have a good look at that picture on the wall that was put up about 5 years ago that no-one looks at, but for them it's a chance to see something other than a garden fence!

In fact they are probably eyeing up that can of beer or glass of wine, thinking "wha-hey lads here we go, time to get pissed!" - perhaps that explains why they can't get awy when you grab it by the legs!

So, what is the point of Daddy Long Legs then?

Okay, well here's the boring bit - apparently they are also known as 'Crane Flies', and are (according to wikipedia) poor fliers and are prone to the old wobble in unpredictable patterns during flight - it's a bit like sitting in a plane with a Ryanair pilot at the controls.

You'll be delighted to know that they do not bite you, but sadly they don't bite mosquitoes either, they actually feed on Nectar, and no not the amber nectar drinking variety!

The unfortunate thing is once they become adults, their job is to simply mate and then die - what a life hey? I wonder if any of them become celibate, and refrain a good old 'how's your father' just so they can live a little bit longer??

Poor things, mind you, they're still a bleedin' pain in the arse, and have you reaching for the tea towel for a good old slap when they are found on your wall!

Tell me about your experiences with Daddy Long Legs!

Wednesday, 20 October 2010

Go Compare? Go bugger off more like!

I'm not sure about anyone else, but I'm getting well and truly fed up of the advert for Go Compare, or Go Compaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare as we keep on being told by a fat bloke in a black and white suit pertaining to be an opera singer.

It was quite funny when it first came out, but now it's wore off completely, and just makes me flick the channel over on the remote control as soon as I hear the start of the ad.

Time for a change, I know they say that it identifies the brand etc, but it doesn't stop it being annoying as hell, so hopefully they'll freshen it up somewhere soon, it's just cringeing now everytime I see it.

So much so in fact that I've started to sing something else which fits in nicely after the "Go" bit, try it... "Go f... off, Go f... off..." yes, it works quite well actually!

Anyway, I'm sure everyone has their own adverts that they just cannot stand, and right now that's mine!

Rant over.

Thursday, 14 October 2010

Bollocks - it's confirmed, Man Flu strikes again.

Having felt rough yesterday and alerting the emergency services that I was possibly about to be struck my man's worst enemy - Man Flu, it was confirmed through the streaming nose (lovely image hey), and lack of seeing what I was typing at work, that I had indeed been gripped by the killer disease.

So, I refer back to my previous blog about it, and it's definitely an October thing, having blogged about it in early October last year - so how bizarre that it's back again, hope I'm not in for this on an annual basis - I can do without that thank you.

Anyway, I feel like I've swallowed a bag of Gillette Mach 3 Turbo's, really crappy this morning, but unlike the jibes that us blokes constantly get, I'll still battle on and go into work*

*depending on how I feel in the next twenty minutes

So, what is the best cure for Man Flu?

Swallowing copious amounts of Beechams? Drinking pints of Lemsips? Perhaps even putting a towel over your head, whilst that head is sitting over a bowl of hot water? - hmmm can't really do that one in work.

Maybe the cure is daytime television - no actually that can only make things worse, as all that's on is house makeovers and Jeremy Kyle - did I read that someone hit him the other day? How funny!

Anyway, I think it's time to revive that Man Flu blog again, with quite possibly the world's funniest video about the global killer...


Wednesday, 13 October 2010

Small Thoughts...

Just waking up this morning feeling like crap, and some random thoughts came in to my head...

Does everyone leave the one bad crisp in the packet, or are they brave enough to eat it - you know the ones, green crisps or one with a whacking great brown/black bit in it.

In the olden days why have the UK emergency number 999 as on old phones it took the longest possible time to dial?

Why can you never find a pen when you need one, yet when you don't need one there are loads all over the place?

Does everyone have a tape measure in the bottom draw in the kitchen?

Charities always seem to put so many clothes bags through the door, yet I've never seen anyone coming back round for them.

What is the point of flies?

If you hoover a spider up, does it kill it, or does it simply uncurl itself and climb back through?

Has everyone got a book in the living room that has been there for years but never been read?

Does anyone else sit in the house in sub zero temperatures just to avoid putting the heating on as long as possible in the year?

All small thoughts, anyone got any others they'd like to share?

Tuesday, 12 October 2010

Time to get the de-icers out!

Summer is officially over.

Yes, that’s the depressing statement for this morning, as I stepped outside to head off to work today, never mind the X Factor – the chill factor has arrived, and it looks set to stay throughout winter – hold on a minute what happened to autumn??

A very bizarre last few days here in Chester, as the blue skies dominated, and everyone was happy, this was something to rejoice as we don’t often get sustained periods of sunshine in this country!

But what has happened to Autumn, seriously?

No time for singing “Those autumn leaves lie undisturbed now…”, no, it’s more like “Frost the Snowman” as the temperatures start to plummet, and those de-icer alarm bells start to ring out, yes it’s time to get the stock of blue capped spray tins again, and get up five minutes early to enjoy the crap routine that is getting rid of the frost / ice on the car windows – always a depressing time.

It feels okay for the first day, but when you experience the 27th day in a row of having to do this, it becomes a tad tiresome.

Right then, get those extra layers on, out comes the electric blanket, and time to go and make a hot chocolate – winter is here!