Public Transport, no thanks I'll stick to the car!

Today I used public transport for the first time in ages, as I thought I'd do my bit for the environment!

Great I thought, leave the car at home, make my way to the bus stop, no need to worry about being stuck behind the wheel getting frustrated at over drivers’ inability to…drive. A chance to put my feet up and look at the outside world rather than having to keep an eye on whether some suicidal animal was going to run out from behind a parked car, and give me nightmares for the rest of my life.

No traffic lights to snarl at, no speedo to check to make sure I’m not over the limit, great, just relax and let someone else do the driving.

So, onto the bus I climbed, made my way to the seat, only to discover the first problem, the driver decides to put his foot on the pedal before I’ve managed to sit down, and half the bus bear witness to my Fred Astair impression, dancing my way down the bus whilst trying to latch on to one of the upright poles to stop myself from hurtling head first into the person sitting on the raised back seats – now that could have been embarrassing!

So, after successfully holding on to the pole, I managed to sit down, right onto a seat that looked as though Santa’s Little Helper or even older, Cujo had been eating prior to my decision to take the seat, yes half of it was missing, and once I sat down I noticed a hazard tape across the one in front, this almost felt like a scene out of Final Destination, oh my god, was I going to Earth’s creator today??

Anyway, sat down, the bus in full swing by now, only for those air brakes to cause everyone to fly forward at every possible braking opportunity, making it appear like a ride at Alton Towers theme park, in fact, they are probably more sedate than this!!!

Next, speed bumps, yes they are a pain in cars to go over, but in buses, well… this was like being on that fair ride that throws you all over the place, and as for diagonal speed bumps, well aren’t they just the worst invention ever???

Anyway, my destination came closer, and someone beat to ringing that bell that alerts the driver to stop, well that’s the plan anyway, but he pulls in, and you make your way to the front, stupidly some may say, a little before he came to a stop, stupidly as he then decided to push those brakes down a little too quickly, resulting in a near knockout thanks to the woman in front throwing back her head in a near whiplash situation – thankfully I avoided that, but not the hangback, which in turn swung back and hit me right in the nether regions!

Off the bus, and into fresh air, that was until the bus pulled away, leaving a cloud of polluted exhaust air which made me look like an extra on Mary Poppins, and off to town in the relative safety of shops.

The return journey wasn’t the best either, as what seemed like an extra from Britain’s Largest Human decided to sit next to me on the bus, crushing me against the side of the bus, thankfully the window was open and I managed to catch a breath of air, when this person allowed it!

I was so happy when they got off a few stops later, and I’m sure I’d lost a few stone just from that journey alone, although Mrs B would probably say otherwise, but in the end I was just happy to get home after the Big Dipper ride up the road, and confirmed to me that the roads are a safer place within my car rather than on public transport!


What an experience!